FINALLY... SOME JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH !

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to
her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because
white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest
day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment,
then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

From The American Legion Magazine January 2004

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My father scribbles a few words on a piece
     of paper and calls it a poem and they give him $50".
The second boy says, "My father scribbles a few words on a piece
     of paper and calls it a song and they give him $100".
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
     on a piece of paper and calls it a sermon. It takes eight people
               to collect all the money".

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as
she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she
prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late!" While she was running and
praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes
dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself
off, and started running again. As she ran she once again
began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...
But please don't shove me either!"

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon
dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother
and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now,
will he let us go?"
 

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she
requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions
for her memorial service she wrote, "They wouldn't take me
out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when
I'm dead.
 

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before
she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it
necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
 

Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
child replied "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
 

At Sunday School they were teaching how
God created everything, including human
beings. Little Andy seemed especially
intent when they told him how Eve was
created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later
in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill, and said,
"Andy, what is the matter?" Little Andy
responded, "I have pain in my side. I think
I'm going to have a wife!"

CHILDREN'S SERMON:
   ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S
SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED
AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?"
   "I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!"

FIRST TIME USHERS:
   A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED
AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
   WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME
DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE.."

PRAYERS:
   THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, WALLY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY
PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?"
   "NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO! MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK!"